ICU Months

I'm on pediatric ICU this month. Today I left work after my 15 year old patient died. She was killed by a drunk driver. She wore her seat belt but was ejected 50 feet out of her car. She had open skull fractures and leaking brain matter, broken ribs and lung contusions, all her intestines were dead by the time they opened up her abdomen in the OR. She lived for 3 hours after her surgery - still with her abdomen open to the air. They couldn't close it back up because of swelling. I spent 40 minutes giving her massive blood transfusions as fast as it leaked out of her abdomen, liter for liter. I was counting down the number of blood transfusions the hospital had left, dreading the end because I knew that's when she would die. I drained our hospital's supply of platelets. I stopped CPR because she needed blood and there was none left to give. Her sister was the adult driver and is now in the surgical ICU for skull fractures and brain bleed - she's probably going to die in the next few days from uncontrollable brain swelling. Even if she lives she'll be a vegetable. I spent two hours after that trying to work on other patients while listening to her family scream and cry in the hallway just 20 feet down the hall. It was awful, one if those gut wrenching sounds that twists your heart and makes you feel like you've lost your own child. I went downstairs to the ED to see another patient and happened walked by the drunk driver who caused all of this. He was still drunk and laughing hysterically on his stretcher. I thought of how satisfying it would be for him to feel the fatal injuries that my patient sustained. I remember now why I hate ICU months. Too many sad stories. Too many deaths.